Table of Contents
I never imagined that gambling would take over my wife’s life.
At first, it was small, and hidden, something I only discovered when strangers showed up demanding money.
Being her husband – for better for worse. I would get angry, throw tantrums, and then pay those debts and move on.
Then, I realized something: this was a never-ending repeat cycle.
Never taking heed to my counsel. Perhaps she’s just stubborn.
I had to do more than just react. I had to act.
1 The Hidden Struggles of My Wife’s Gambling
My wife did not gamble openly. She was secretive. I would only find out when people she owed money started calling me.
Every time, she promised she would stop. Every time, I believed her. And every time, it happened again.
I never saw money as a problem—I had made money, lost money, and made it again.
But this was different.
This was not just about money; it was about something deeper. It was about trust, about the foundation of our family slowly cracking.
2 Trying Everything to Help
I took away her phone, hoping it would help.
I had bought her a good phone to support her budding interest in content creation, but when I took it, she secretly got another one through hire purchase—adding more debt to our debt!
I turned to family. My parents, her parents—everyone tried to intervene, but nothing worked.
She knew gambling was wrong; I had taught her that. But as we learn in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, true change(conversion) takes time.
I sought help from our bishop. He counseled her.
I found out about LDS Family Services, but they were not available in Kenya.
Also, there were no LDS addiction programs nearby.
However, The Church stepped in and paid for therapy at Moi Teaching and Referral Hospital. It helped for a while—but it was not enough.
3 The Cycle Continued
Every few months, it happened again.
More debts. More broken promises. More pain.
Three years of the same pattern.
And then, things got worse.
She pawned my laptop—my source of livelihood—to gamble.
That was the first time I cried, begging her to bring it back. It was no longer just about money; it was about survival.
I felt lost. Stupid, even. Love makes fools of us all.
The Christian in me was whispering it a mental health problem, but the African in me was whispering even louder – she’s possessed.
Culture influences our thinking.
I should know, I have read Brigham Young teaching on Black people – influenced by the culture of that time.
So don’t blame me, when my traditional African mentality still influences part of my thinking.
But the Christian in me always trump.
Just like how the deep state (the radical left) tried to finish Donald Trump. My wife weakness cannot trample me, I will come out Triumphantly.
4 When Therapy Falls Short
Like I said, The Church stepped in and paid for therapy at a Teaching and Referral Hospital.
I joined her in therapy once.
The addiction clinic helped, but regular therapy did not.
And I finally understood why.
There is a difference between learning something from a textbook and understanding it from experience. Many therapists mean well, but they live in a different world. Their training tells them how to help, but their lives have not shown them what it feels like to hit rock bottom.
Therapists approach addiction clinically, with theories and structured steps. But addiction is messy. It does not follow a script.
Did you see any script in my beloved wife action?
It does not care about carefully planned intervention strategies. It creeps into a person’s soul and makes them someone they are not.
That was definitely not the woman I married – they wee someone totally different.
5 Discovering Peer Counselling
One Sabbath, visitors from Utah came to our ward.
They worked with Interweave solutions, and our bishop introduced me to them.
That is how I learned about peer counseling.
Unlike traditional therapy, peer counseling comes from the heart, not textbook theory.
It is for people who have lived through pain, who have walked the hard road and come out stronger. It is about shared experiences, not just theory.
Joining a group of people who had all faced rock bottom changed me.
It made me grateful.
As I reflected on my struggles, I thought about Hosea and his wife, Gomer. I thought about Job. And I realized something:
I had learned to love better.
6 Learning to Love Unconditionally
God’s love for us is unconditional, but His blessings are conditional.
I realized my love for my wife was not about ticking off some “perfect wife” checklist. It was deeper than that.
It was the kind of love God shows us—love despite flaws, love despite struggles.
My wife is not a bad person.
She is a beautiful soul.
Maybe she just wanted more money. Maybe she was just stubborn.
I do not know.
But I do know that wherever she goes, people want to be her friend. And sadly, it was those same friends she hurt by taking their money to gamble.
Gambling addiction creeped into her soul and made her someone she’s not – selfish.
We are still in debt. But we will pay it off. Together.
7 Why Peer Counselling Matters
Becoming a peer counselor gave me a new perspective.
I have met people who have battled addiction, and people who have thought about ending their lives.
One woman in my group said she wished she were like my wife—because at least my wife had a husband who understood her.
That changed everything for me.
I realized that the need to correct should never be stronger than the need to love.
People do not need lectures.
They need someone who understands them. They need someone who has been there.
Peer counseling is different.
It is not about superiority; it is about shared struggle.
It is not about theories; it is about real life.
It is about seeing the humanity in people before seeing their mistakes.
8 Become A Peer Counsellor
Do I know what it is like to live in poverty? To struggle with addiction? To love someone who keeps disappointing me? To raise a son alone because his mother ran away?
Yes. I do.
And that is why I believe in peer counselling. Because it is not about charging by the hour. It is about being there when someone needs a shoulder to lean on. It is about real connection. It is about healing—together.
People do not need someone who pretends to have all the answers. They need someone willing to say, “I have been there too.”
That is what being a peer counsellor is all about.
And that is why you should consider becoming one too.
Peer counsellors do not have magic solutions. But they do have something powerful—understanding.
And sometimes, understanding is the first step toward healing.
So, if you have been through pain, if you have walked through fire and survived, if you have learned something from your struggles—consider sharing that wisdom.
You never know whose life you might change.